I’m on vacation until after the New Year, so with nothing better to do I was messing around on the Internet and came across the following joke. This is actually something that I’ve come across before–in fact, with I Googled it I found over 1,100 hits! So for your enjoyment, I present The “Iams Diet.”

Don’t ask a retiree a dumb question…

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn’t you like to respond like this? Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Iams Dog Food for my loyal pet, Abby, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the “Iams Diet” again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

I am mostly dealing with retirees during my vacation, so I can totally believe that some old codger came up with this story–it’s exactly the kind of joke my Uncle Bill would have told!

My good buddy Kris was in New York City this morning, at the New York Stock Exchange, with some of my favorite people–including Laura Nativo and her pooch Preston Casanova

This is the third Christmas Eve that the New York Stock Exchange has honored Iams Home 4 the Holidays with the opening bell. This year, Laura and Preston got to ring it–OMD poor Preston was so startled when it rang! (Video here.)

Ready to Ring the Bell!

Culver, a puppy up for adoption, gets some attention from Peter Elkins.

Culver offers some distraction to Chris Geiger. I'd rather cuddle a puppy than work, too!

And the best thing of all is that all the pets who were there to help ring the bell were signed up to be adopted! (Except for Preston Casanova–he already has a very loving mom). I love happy endings!

SIDEBAR: The holidays are delaying our adoption numbers for the past week. I will post them as soon as I have confirmation.

PEACE ON EARTH, GOOD HOMES FOR PETS!

We have an incredible contest going on right now which will last until this time next year. It’s called Feed Pets In Need. This contest allows people to vote for their favorite Iams Home 4 the Holidays shelter/rescue. Each month, the TWO organizations with the most votes win a free month’s worth of pet food from Iams!

And it’s really easy to do.

Go to the www.IH4tH.com website.

Iams Home 4 the Holidays web site header

Click on the little dog and cat icon, at the top right side of the page:

Click "Cast Your Vote"

You will need to register because you are allowed only 1 vote per day. P&G’s Privacy Policy means you totally control ANY personal information you provide in your registration. You also totally control whether or not you receive our newsletter.

Registering is painless.

Once you’re registered, you can vote!

Find your favorite shelter or rescue by choosing the State (or Canada) and the city.

Sort the organizations by the shelter/rescue name or the name of the city.

Click on your favorite shelter/rescue to highlight it, then click “Vote For Shelter!”

When you hit the vote button, a new window will open with the rules of the contest. Make sure you read them at least once. Then at the bottom of the rules is a check box and an OK button. For your vote to register, check the check box and click OK.

Click the check box AND the OK button.

You will then see who’s currently getting the most votes, and who our past winners are!

(I blocked out my vote to keep it private.)

This is sooooooooo easy!! Many shelters/rescues have started up campaigns to get their supporters to vote. Check with your favorite Iams Home 4 the Holidays shelter or rescue–this is something you can do for them that takes only a few moments of your time. GET OUT THE VOTE!!

Tomorrow our holiday season hits a crescendo with everyone coming to our house for “Family Christmas.” I feel properly smug–got my shopping and wrapping all done.

It snowed overnight.

Before you become enchanted with the scene, remember: Today’s White Christmas is tomorrow’s slush!

Bailey, who is famous for refusing to potty outside if there is even a remote possibility that her feet might get wet, was heard to mumble “Bah! Humbug!” in her native Bichonese.

Not everybody likes the snow.

The grand total at the end of week 11:

808,147 pets adopted!

Here the breakdown:

Help your favorite Iams Home 4 the Holidays shelter to win free food: FEED PETS IN NEED (Terms & Conditions) and LIFE’S BETTER SWEEPSTAKES (Official Rules)!

SHELTERS/RESCUES: It’s never too late to join us! We’re going to get 1.5 million pets into furever homes by the New Year!

This past Saturday and Sunday (12/12-13), Long Beach California hosted the AKC/Eukanuba National Championship. My buddy Emily was there and she tweeted (@askEukanuba and @EukanubaEmily) some great photos! Since not everybody is on Twitter, I thought I’d share them here (Em’s tweet is the photo caption).

Check out this pretty banner at the entrance to the big show ^Em #eukdogshow Can't wait for all the fun events tomorrow.

Check out the trophy!! Very cool!#eukdogshow

This is what they’re all after!

OMD!!!! just met Shawn Johnson w/my coworker Jason..Great start to show #eukdogshow

Another great photo of Shawn Johnson w/my fave breed!!! #Eukdogshow

Another great photo of Shawn #eukdogshow

Emily had a great time with Shawn Johnson–maybe you don’t remember her? Shawn won gymnastic gold in Beijing at the 2008 Olympics, and she has a dog named Tucker.

Shawn autographed some really beautiful dog collars that were given away as prizes:

Are you at #eukdogshow? Go to stage in main entrance at 2:30 for a chance to win a collar autographed by @ShawneyJ

@ShawneyJ was giving out collars on the stage earlier this afternoon!! The collars were pink & sparkly We had 5 lucky winners.

Just finished watching Justin Tackett w/Yella!!!What a dynamic duo #eukdogshow

Emily also got to meet Justin Tackett and his beautiful dog, Yella.

There were some pawsome dogs in the Meet the Breed area:

Here is a pic of Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever puppy. Enjoy! #eukdogshow

This is Ditto-the brother to Knotty, previous AKC/Euk Nation'l Champ. He is a sweethart!! Look at those sweet wrinkles!!!

Look at these giant beauties!! #eukdogshow ^Em

Check out this cute Beagle!! What a face ^Em

Look at this face!!!! This is my new fave breed (of course Goldens still rule my heart) #eukdogshow ^Em

Em also got to meet Officer John Azevedo and Blitz:

What a day so far!!! I was able to meet Officer John Azevedo & Blitz. What a great team! Blitz is beautiful #eukdogshow

Another new friend!

Just met @LauraNativo & @PrestonCasanova by the dock jumping area. Preston had the cutest bag and necktie!! What a cutie

Eukanuba and Orvis presented a check for $150,000 to the Morris Animal Foundation to help their Canine Cancer Campaign. Is that Betty White up there on the stage?

This afternoon Eukanuba & Orvis presented check for 150,000 to Morris Animal Foundation to help K9 Cancer Campaign ^Em

Just sat down for evening show!!..how exciting #eukdogshow

And then it was time for the show! The AKC/Eukanuba National Championship will be broadcast on Animal Planet on February 6. If you want to know who won, visit this spoiler link. You’ll also find more show results on Dog Show Poop.

What a fabulous weekend. Maybe I’ll get to go next year!

The grand total at the end of week 10:

713,828 pets adopted!

Here the breakdown:

And don’t forget, help your favorite Iams Home 4 the Holidays shelter to win free food: FEED PETS IN NEED (Terms & Conditions) and LIFE’S BETTER SWEEPSTAKES (Official Rules)!

SHELTERS/RESCUES: It’s never too late to join us! We’re going to get 1.5 million pets into furever homes by the New Year!

I just checked this video into YouTube. It’s a dog’s eye view of running an agility course. This is Jace the Border Collie, and you’d be panting too if you were going as fast as she is!!! (BTW, the first 20 seconds of this video are silent.)

This is a big weekend for us–and by “us” I mean Eukanuba! This weekend many of our Eukanuba team are in Long Beach, California for the AKC/Eukanuba National Championship.

My buddy, Emily, is there covering the show for our new blog Eukanuba Unleashed. I get to stay home and “cover” some of Em’s work! Which is fine with me because I get to immerse myself in some of the Eukanuba-oriented stuff that Emily gets to do.

So first thing this morning, I took the time to catch up on videos that have been posted to the Eukanuba Channel on YouTube. There’s some really wonderful new ones, but I think my favorite is this one:

It’s been raining here for the past 7 hours and Little Miss Prissy Feet refuses to go out to potty. And for some reason she has taken her pee pad in aversion. In her Bichon-stubbornness, she forgot that I’m bigger than she is. I finally simply carried her out to the grass at the end of the driveway where she instinctively copped a squat.

Don’cha wish all your problems could be solved by picking them up and carrying them to the right place?