My Fire Hydrant

On Saturday, we went to Dr. B. for a blood test to see if Bailey’s calcium levels had been reduced. I just heard from Dr. B–Bailey’s calcium levels are back to normal!! This is good news because it means the cancer is not big enough right now to generate enough of the hormone that brings her calcium levels up. (OK, I realize that this is not a very scientific explanation, but I’m not a doctor. I’m only a very worried mom. Trust me–this is a good thing).

Had our family Christmas on Sunday. Feels weird to be essentially done with Christmas by December 18. Bailey was her usual snotty self–into everything and under everyone’s feet like she’s bouncing back to normal. I finally confined her to the bedroom because she was just too energized. She took a power-nap–slept soundly for about an hour which is very unusual when we have a house-full of people.

Today is the 2 week anniversary of her surgery–and the only outside indication is her funky hairstyle. I have to remember to lift her onto the sofa or my bed–and also to lift her off. She jumped off the bed this morning before I could stop her and let out a yelp. I know she hurt herself, and I know she hasn’t a clue WHY it hurts. She looked so scared and lost in her bed afterwards, it devastates me.

I’m waiting now to hear from the chemo doc. I think the worst part of this whole thing is having to wait in ignorance instead of being able to make plans and know what to expect.

Today we trekked back to Columbus to get Bailey’s stitches out and to meet with the radiologist. Dr. Prescott has amazing credentials–she’s like the top dog of radiology in the three closest states.

For maximum tumor control, we have “Full Course Radiation Therapy.” This is one radiation treatment a day, Monday through Friday for 4 weeks (19 total treatments). The side effects include a “weepy” wound on her butt, sorta like a hot spot but more painful, which shows up approximately 3 weeks into the therapy and lasts for approximately 4 weeks if it’s kept clean. If it gets dirty (remember this is on her butt right where the poop comes out) it could be a problem for a couple of months. Additionally, the part of her colon which would be in the way of the x-rays could be damaged which would mean it loses its elasticity and would kinda close up so she wouldn’t be able to poop normally. The cells lining the last part of her intestine would also be effected and she would probably have several weeks of bloody, possibly painful, diarrhea. Lastly, because Columbus is so far away, she would have to board at Med Vet while she’s having treatments and come home on the weekends. Dogs with cancer like Bailey’s have an average life of 2 years with this kind of treatment–but nothing is guaranteed. Can I put my dog through 2 to 3 months of hell with no guarantee?

Chemo is also an option–along with radiation or by itself. The chemo specialist is gonna call me for an over-the-phone consult early next week (she was gone to a funeral today) so we can discuss the side effects and the lack of guarantees.

If we let things go as they are–surgery alone–the pup will probably live somewhere between 3 months to a year. This is a slow growing cancer, and the high calcium levels that it creates will probably compromise her kidneys or her liver before the cancer has a chance to kill her. It’s recommended that we do blood tests every month as a way to monitor the cancer. We have an appointment tomorrow at Dr. B’s for a “threshold” blood test–to see if the calcium levels were lowered by the surgery (I think they must have been–her water-drinking is back to normal).

I’m totally freaked out about the radiation treatments. Bailey has such sensitive skin, she’s used to peace and quiet, she’s used to being at home with us. My heart cries out against punishing her for 8 to 12 weeks in order to buy her an extra year, if that.

Am I being selfish? When Bailey is suffering and uncomfortable, I’m a basket case. My concentration sucks, I’m depressed, it’s hard to get any work done. I’m not sure I have the strength to put myself through the suffering she would have with radiation treatments. I keep remembering my Uncle Ollie–he died of lung cancer. By the time they diagnosed it, he was so sick and tired that he decided it wasn’t worth going through radiation in order to live a couple extra years. He went into hospice and though I won’t say he died happy at least he died clean and comfortable–which is what he said he wanted. I want Bailey to be clean and comfortable.

I’m really starting to feel that a hospice approach might be the best thing to do, but I’m conflicted. Some days I feel like I’ve accepted the fact that somewhere a stop watch is running down my time with her. Some days I wonder if I’m in denial. Am I doing what’s best for her, or for myself?

And since Monday she’s been sneezing off and on like crazy. Dr. Prescott the eminent oncologist said not to worry, it’s probably nothing. Of course, it might be a small tumor in her nasal passage unrelated to the one that was in her butt. And it would be inoperable because of it’s location. More good news.

Tomorrow, we take Bailey to an internal medicine specialist. I’ve spent most of the past weekend as a watering pot with tears coming to my eyes unbidden and unwelcome. Happy Thanksgiving.

She had another blood test last week. Dr. B. called me on Friday to let me know that not only is her calcium level still high, it actually got higher from the last blood test. So she has referred us to a specialist at a clinic in Columbus (MedVet which upon investigation seems like an excellent place to go when you gotta go to a place like this).

On the patient referral sheet, Dr. B. lists as her possible diagnosis Hyperparathyroid or Neoplasia. Neoplasia is a nice way of saying lymphatic cancer. I am a basket case.

There are treatments for lymphoma, and in my head I know that things may not be as bad as they seem.

Ah! But in my heart! In my heart there is a crazy woman having hysterics because her beautiful fur child is about to experience pain and fear. I am totally irrational. There is no logic in my heart.

I can no longer distinguish between normal doggie behavior and behavior that might indicate a very sick puppy. I don’t know if she’s sleeping because she missed out on her normal naps this past weekend or because she’s exhausted from fighting off whatever is causing her excessive thirst.

She drank an entire bowl of water by mid afternoon yesterday. On a normal day, the water level might go down a quarter of an inch. Every lap her little tongue makes in that water dish is a dagger in my heart.

Silly to tie myself up in knots over a little white fluff ball. My eyes burn, my stomach is churning, I can’t concentrate. The next 24 hours are really gonna suck. Christmas? Bah! Humbug. My baby is sick and I can’t stop crying.

Got the blood test results…Her calcium amount has gone down so the “fatty” blood must have been skewing the results. Dr. B. thinks it might be a problem with her liver.

I’m sorta relieved about this, but I’m not ready to start dancing yet. Dr. B. put Bailey on an antibiotic (Amoxi-Tab, 200 mg) 2x a day and something called Denosyl (90 mg) 1x a day. Bailey is in 7th heaven because it means 3 pieces of cheese (I may not be dancing, but Bailey is!).

Found a great way to give her the pills. I always used to wrap them in Velveta, but am trying something from Laughing Cow called Cheesebites. They’re a soft cheese wrapped individually—about 1 teaspoon each. I cut each cube in half for each pill. Because it’s soft cheese I can push the pill into the center of the cheese. Bailey snarfs it down–no time to even taste the pill. I’m able to give her a much smaller bit of cheese then I would using the Velveta–so fewer calories/less sodium.

Two weeks of antiobiotics twice a day, 30 days of Denosyl. I wonder if there’s a support group for dogs with cheese habits.

Once she got over being ticked off, Bailey was surprisingly quiet last night for not having been fed. At bedtime, I got in my jammies and we had an extended groom-the-puppy session–good for both of us on so many levels. When we were done I thought she was so relaxed that she would hit snooze-city. But no! She of the sleepy eyes sits right up and says “so where’s my bedtime snack? And by the way, what happened to my midnight supper?” I pretended not to notice, so she hopped off the bed (in a huff) and sniffed the entire bedroom for the next half hour in case I had hidden her food. Then she flopped down into her own bed (at the foot of mine) and slept there for most of the night. She woke me around 4am getting a long drink of water. After she peed (I think I’ve mentioned my love of pee pads) she asked quite politely if she could come up into my bed where she slept until the alarm went off at 7.

We were at the vet’s by 7:50. The tech came out to the waiting room and took Bailey back–by now she was trembling (another dagger to my heart!). God bless Dr. B.–she came out to explain to me exactly what the goal of today’s blood draw is. First, it needs to be non-fatty blood (hence the fasting); if it is, she’ll send it to the local lab to make sure the calcium numbers are correct and not skewed by the fat that was in yesterday’s draw. If the calcium numbers are still high then the sample goes for more complex testing which will take a week. Either way, no real resolution to what’s going on with my baby girl.

I’m totally useless right now–can’t concentrate–so I’m taking some vacation time. But I had to go into the office today for my flu shot. I work with such a great group of people. As I go bumbling around in this haze of not knowing, my buds are there to share their strength. Dr. D. is like a rock–confirming that Dr. B. is totally on the right path (as if there could ever be any doubt!) I am so effing neurotic about Bailey and Dr. D. is so wonderful about talking me down off the ledge (Dr. B. is pretty good about it to—I’m so thankful for both of them!) S. was also pretty wonderful–she wanted to hug me, but I wouldn’t let her–I knew it would send me right over the edge. And poor K! I was trying to sneak out as quick as I could and he saw me with red eyes and actually chased me nearly into the bathroom because he was concerned about whether it was because of my mom or Bailey. God I love them all!

This whole blogging thing is kinda cathartic, but ICK! I really am getting kinda drippy and maudlin! Time for bed.

OK, here’s something scary that I don’t like at all. Bailey’s been drinking a lot of water. Took her to see Dr. B. (the best veterinarian in the world!) yesterday and they took blood. Dr. B. called me today…her liver and kidney numbers look good, but Bailey’s blood was “fatty” and had a high level of calcium. So I have to fast Bailey tonight and return to the clinic tomorrow so that they can do a fasting blood check.

This sucks on two levels. First, high calcium in the blood can be caused by any number of things including problems with the thyroid or CANCER (my new mantra: I will not research this on the web until I know more). Second, Bailey is used to playing chase the kibble around 9PM, then a late meal at 11:30PM, and a handful of kibble under the pillow for her to root out while we settle down to go to bed. I’m not supposed to give her any food after her 6PM feeding. When bedtime comes, she’s not gonna wanna settle down because she’ll be hungry.

Who am I kidding. I’m not gonna sleep tonight anyway because I’m gonna worry about the possibility that she’s got the big C.